Proud mum who runs family business in Selsey

• An independent funeral director, you have businesses in London and Selsey. How did that come about?

It’s a family business that goes back 50 years in London, but we came to Selsey eight years ago for our son Joe. Joe is 18. We didn’t know that Joe was going to be born with Down’s syndrome, although as older parents it was always a possibility. Joe was my fourth child. I planned to have all my kids young and live it up afterwards, but nature had other ideas! We wanted to be part of a community and in Selsey people know Joe; he is a person in his own right, not just Roger and Fran’s disabled son. In the busy streets of London he’d get ignored. Raising Joe was very different. Everything was slower, which actually was a plus because when we hit milestones they meant so much more and nothing got missed.

• Is Joe part of the team at Agincourt?

He is an asset to our business and has always been involved. He helps by putting together the furniture that goes on coffins and sometimes takes on the role of funeral director (FD) and walks out front. He has really good empathy. We once had a funeral for a Down’s baby and the family actually requested Joe as the FD. Just at the right moment during the funeral the father felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Joe. He just has a natural link with people. He doesn’t have that fear of people who are no longer with us and helps prepare bodies for funerals. He sees it as helping people to go to the angels.

• Does Joe find other people’s grief difficult to cope with?

He’s always been around people grieving and he understands. We lost our daughter in May, the day after Joe’s 18th birthday. Everybody grieves in different ways. Some people are angry and some are extremely sad. Sometimes it swings between the two. You do need really good people skills, which Joes has. He makes a difference.

• Can you tell me a bit more about Joe?

Joe has a great love of life and the people in his life. As a family we have always believed in ‘putting in’ and so he will always work, either with us or somewhere else, and be a useful member of the community. He has a horse and is a member of the Riding for the Disabled Association. Here he can compete on equal terms and it is a doorway to enjoying life. He also loves football and is a Brighton & Hove Albion boy. There are still hurdles ahead of him. Attitudes have changed, but the fact that we have to use the word ‘inclusion’ tells you something. Ideally we shouldn’t need to; inclusion should be a given. Ultimately I’ve had far more from Joe than I’ve given. I’m a very proud mum.

Visit www.agincourtfamilyfunerals.co.uk for more information.

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