They may have scared the Living Daylights out of Pompey but Bond always wins

Daniel Azougy or should that be Oddjob? Picture: Malcolm Wells (100222-5282)
Daniel Azougy or should that be Oddjob? Picture: Malcolm Wells (100222-5282)

Bond is back, gripping the nation with his thrill-a-minute exploits.

Time-honoured tales of the good guys attempting to thwart the dastardly plans of philanthropists and millionaires with Machiavellian tendencies.

Sounds like Fratton Park since August 2009.

No really, it does.

Firstly, there was the safari-suited No Dr and his breathtakingly-exaggerated medical credentials.

Those who have encountered him describe him possessing ‘platinum eyeballs’.

Apparently he reeks of opulence and wealth, rather like Auric Goldfinger. Except doesn’t have any gold or money.

Alas, No Dr also does not have the proof of funds to satisfy administrators PKF he is capable of taking over a football club.

Still, that does not prevent him from forging ahead with his grand and outrageously ambitious schemes for footballing domination.

No need to send in anyone undercover to snap his blueprint for success via a mini-camera hidden in the heel of a shoe.

No Dr actually chooses to release his plans via Twitter.

His talents include a remarkable turn of pace, as displayed at Reading last season when confronted by Pompey fans in a scene reminiscent of Benny Hill.

Judge him for yourself in the next Bond film, ‘Tomorrow Never Comes’.

The next character to infiltrate the Pompey spy thriller is the faceless Number One, the head of SPECTRE.

Incidentally, he represents a global terrorist organisation intent on causing untold damage to further their own agenda.

SPECTRE is fitting as many believe Ali Al Faraj is nothing more than a ghostly apparition who doesn’t actually exist.

Rather like the legend of the fierce dragon on Crab Key which instead turns out to be an armoured tractor equipped with flame thrower.

However, Al Faraj only applies to the early days of Bond when the face of Ernst Stavro Blofeld was never glimpsed.

Instead he relied on henchmen to do his public bidding, such as Azougy Oddjob.

Whether it be chauffeur, golf caddy, manservant or shadow director, he was omnipresent during the club’s demise.

Forget the bowler hat with steel rim, he preferred to rule with an iron fist, although nobody was quite sure who employed him.

Back to Blofeld, later in the series he undergoes a metamorphosis, even having plastic surgery.

In turn, his face became a true figurehead in the endless battles with Bond.

He even joined Prince William in the Royal Box at an FA Cup final.

In addition, Blofeld is permanently accompanied by his faithful white-haired sidekick.

Of course, he is also notoriously difficult to dispose of, with a penchant for returning just when many believed he had departed for good.

Each time he returns with a different vision, armed with new grand speeches, equipped with more receipts for expenses – nonetheless as controversial as ever.

It is worth pointing out those who fail his bidding suffer dreadful consequences.

That may account for the sudden disappearance of many staunch supporters from The News’ message boards in recent weeks as the Trust were announced as preferred bidders.

Still, Footballmania is alive and well spreading the poison from those Rosa Klebb-tipped shoes.

Moving on and the next instalment arrived From Russia With Love.

Except there has been little love spread in the direction of CSI following their disastrous tenure.

It is an entry in the long-running series whose filming has still to be completed.

So here we are, these characters have done their worst but Bond continues to triumph.

You see, like diamonds, this club is forever.